Many of us, including myself, start the year thinking we might not have achieved our goals from last year and we venture out to start the new year with new resolutions and goals.
Over the last year, I have been slowly changing my habits including
learning about habits and goals. One of the best books on this is Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones, by James Clear. Small changes make a big difference over time. You learn how to associate your new atomic habit with existing habits and make it very specific. So how I learned to consistently do my workouts is to say I will work out for 10 minutes before I eat in the morning. So, my habit of getting my breakfast reminds me of my new habit of working out. Also, you can make your habit more obvious and attractive like I leave my yoga mat out from the night before as well as my yoga clothes along with my water bottle. I might have even preselected which yoga set I will be doing. I set my alarm earlier to have 10 minutes to work out.
Reframe to notice your goal wherever you see it or experience it. Not only are you activating your Reticular Activating System (RAS) to notice where you put your attention, but it instills what you are doing. For example, if you want a red car or just bought a red car you will notice red cars whether it is on the road or in an ad or wherever you notice it. You can also activate your belief and subconscious about your goal. In the book Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter and Miracles by Bruce H. Lipton, they cited a study where they told hotel maids to think of their work as exercise and another group did not reframe how they viewed their activity as a maid. The group that reframed how they looked at their activity as exercise noticed more improvement in their health because of their activity as a maid. Your beliefs matter. If you don’t think you can achieve your goal, you won’t achieve it. My walk to and from the train 10 minutes each way for work is part of my workout so I only do 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night workout to get my 40 minutes of exercise in my day.
Celebrate yourself and your wins every day including when you mess up. Another book I recently read was The High 5 Habit: Take Control of Your Life with One Simple Habit, by Mel Robbins where you in the morning high five yourself in the mirror in the morning celebrating yourself. Every time I take my supplements, eat a healthy meal, exercise, have a good sleep, I celebrate. I also celebrate when I notice that I have messed up. Yes, I noticed it, yes, I cleaned it up, yes, I will notice was caused me to mess up, like did I hit the snooze button, get distracted, and what can I do to get back on habit and not beat myself up that I messed up. It only takes 5 seconds to talk yourself into or out of something – another Mel Robins book, The 5-Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work and Confidence with Everyday Courage, act on your decisions after you make them. If you want to learn more about celebration and the benefits of celebrating every day read my previous article in Steller Woman (https://www.stellarwomanmag.com/why-celebrations-are-important-for-the-brain/).
Accountability helps people stay on track. It comes in many forms. I recently restarted a morning routine from the book The Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Secret Guaranteed to Transform Your Life – Before 8 AM by Hal Elrod and Rob Actis, which is practicing silence, affirmations, visualizations, exercise, reading, and scribing. The Miracle Morning not only has books, a daily Clubhouse, Facebook groups, and launched an app two weeks ago. So, I have choices in how I want to stay accountable to my new morning routine.
I also have apps that support most of the morning activities. Can’t decide which meditation, want affirmations, etc. I use Fitbit, Noom, Apple Watch, Apple Fitness, YouTube, Audible, Kindle, Z-Library, Voice Reader, PinTok, TikTok, hard copy books, the Journal app, and physical journals to help with my choices and accountability. I built-in redundancy and I also wanted variety. I know what my weaknesses or prior habits are, so I wanted to eliminate as many excuses as possible. I also can do the activity with others doing the same activity or have a coach, even a specific accountability coach, which I had a few years ago. Even with all that I have slipped missing a day or two.
Often we don’t know how we will achieve our goals or they seem too large. Often, we do not know what we are capable of until we are faced with an urgent situation, the consequences are great, we are at a low, some tipping point, or if we are very fortunate, have a bought of great inspiration or passion. Recently about 6 months ago, a friend offered me a free course that would often cost a lot, but there was a catch, could I read 18 books in 18 weeks (one a week and the book-length varied, and not all were electronic or in immediate voice format)? Also, in the course was a WhatsApp discussion group and a weekly Zoom call to discuss the book of the week. It was an opportunity I could not pass up. What it taught me to be is resourceful. I found the Z-Library an app that is an international public repository of books. I found an app called Voice Reader so I could take the Z-Library convert to PDF and have the Voice Reader read the books to me. I found that I could find time to listen to the book when I was washing the dishes, driving, or exercising. I decided that some things I was doing were not as productive as learning new material, as the course was on Money Mastery, an important subject to me. Did I complete it perfectly? No, but it taught me very important lessons. How did I proceed when I did not read the whole book, what I was capable of, how resourceful I could be, the power of doing this in a group, and using the Not-To-Do List by Dean Graziosi (Why eliminating tasks rather than adding more will make you more successful. https://www.inc.com/joe-desena/whats-on-your-not-to-do-list.html)
The Not-To-Do List I use when I have something new, I want to incorporate into my life, and I say I don’t have the time for anything new. You decide what not to do, what is less important, what can be delayed, what can be delegated, or what will not impact the goals you have made for yourself. Is that less TV watching, less social media, having your laundry done by wash and fold, will you make more money working extra hours or on your own business if you have someone clean your house or take care of your errands? What would having a virtual assistant give you in getting more time to work on your goals or having a better quality of life outside of your work? Maybe family and connection are your goals.
A concept that heard of just this year, instead of having a specific goal is to have a word or two that define your year. (For examples see https://mountainmodernlife.com/word-of-the-year/ ) My word this year is growth. How can I grow in all ways I want to achieve? Is that finding a mentor? Remember about the RAS. Look for all the ways your word appears or how you can study more about it. Instead of being jealous of those that have what I want, see what or how they got there (even bolder is to ask them very nicely for advice or to observe from an inside perspective – you will be surprised how often they will say yes). I wanted a speaker page, and I did not have one, so I studied those that had one that I liked and then found a template, helping me create one of my own. Does it look as polished as theirs, probably not but it is me and it is done.
It may sound strange, have a relationship with your goal (for more information, read the book The Power of Receiving: A Revolutionary Approach to Giving Yourself the Life You Want and Deserve by Amanda Owen). How do you want to spend time with it? How do you want to get to know it? How will it integrate into your life with you and your family/friends/work? How will you communicate with yourself and your goal? Check on it daily (see the CommitTo3 app as an example), weekly, monthly, quarterly, and of course yearly.
In the end, it is not about the goal but who you become or how your true self comes out because of it. You will feel uncomfortable because it is new or a stretch. If your goal does not stretch you in some way, it is not big enough (even with an atomic habit). It takes time between 40 continuous days and 90 overall days to have that habit become normal. Be adaptable depending on what comes up and how life changes. You may find some hidden gift or opportunity come up as part of your journey. Understand your compelling why you want to achieve your goal. How will having this goal change you? You can have this goal. You deserve it. It is a part of you.
Ann Justi is a desire life coach, yoga therapist, author, and speaker. She helps people with desires and identities. You can get additional resources from her websites at https://www.yourdesiredlifecoaching.com/ or https://www.devotedyoga.net/.